Winding = Through =91Big Dreams=92 Are the Threads of Our Lives

I was in the fluorescent pallor of a windowless office, staring at = the dense=20 grid of an unfilled spreadsheet, when my mother called to say my father = had=20 died.

It wasn=92t a surprise. He had been given a diagnosis of terminal cancer=20 the year before. But it was a jolt to my system =97 one switch, pulled = down with a=20 thump, the power fading and the conveyor belt coming to a stop.=20

My memories from that week are a jumble of misfiled pieces. But at = the end of=20 the second week, I had a dream that remains crisp and vivid in my mind. =

I sat up in bed and saw my father across the room. His figure was = full and=20 healthy and framed by the yellow light that glowed in the stairwell = outside my=20 door. He was grinning, green eyes on me, and listening to sounds from = the dining=20 room below, the clinking of plates and the voices of my extended family = laughing=20 and sharing memories of him. He raised his dark eyebrows and laughed = with=20 them.

=93Back to life=94 or =93visitation=94 dreams, as they are known = among dream=20 specialists and psychologists, are vivid and memorable dreams of the = dead. They=20 are a particularly potent form of what Carl Jung called =93big = dreams,=94 the=20 emotionally vibrant ones we remember for the rest of our lives.

Big dreams are once again on the minds of psychologists as part of a = larger=20 trend toward studying dreams as meaningful representations of our = concerns and=20 emotions. =93Big dreams are transformative,=94 Roger Knudson, director = of the Ph.D.=20 program in clinical psychology at Miami University of Ohio, said in a = telephone=20 interview. The dreaming imagination does not just harvest images from = remembered=20 experience, he said. It has a =93poetic creativity=94 that connects the = dots and=20 =93deforms the given,=94 turning scattered memories and emotions into = vivid,=20 experiential vignettes that can help us to reflect on our lives.

Grief itself is transformative. It is a process of disassembly. The = bereaved=20 must let go of the selves they were, as well as the loved ones they have = lost.=20 The dreams we have while grieving are an important part of that = process.

=93Our dreams have to do with how we internalize the people we = love,=94 said=20 Pamela McCarthy, director of counseling services at Smith=20 College. =93You learn to look within for the loved one and the = particular=20 function that person played in your life, such as caretaking or guidance = in the=20 case of a parent. This becomes part of a function that you can provide = for=20 yourself.=94

Cultural narratives in regions like Vietnam and North and South = America=20 assign special importance to such dreams and consider them actual = encounters=20 with the spirits of lost loved ones.

=93This notion is so widely shared by traditions all across the globe = that some=20 scholars have gone so far as to argue that religion itself actually = originated=20 in dream experience,=94 Kelly Bulkeley, past president of the = Association for the=20 Study of Dreams, wrote in his book =93Transforming Dreams: Learning = Spiritual=20 Lessons From the Dreams You Never Forget=94 (2000).

Current dream study has its epic narrative in the life and dreams of = the=20 pseudonymous Ed, a widower who recorded 22 years of dreams about Mary, = his=20 deceased wife. Ed made his journal available to G. William Domhoff, a = psychology=20 professor at the University=20 of California, Santa Cruz, a leading dream theorist.

Dr. Domhoff and Adam Schneider, his research assistant, categorized = the 143=20 dreams and cross-referenced them with Ed=92s waking reflections on his = wife, their=20 marriage and her death from ovarian cancer on June 15, 1980. In a = path-breaking=20 study in 2004, Dr. Domhoff asserted that Ed=92s dreams could not be the=20 nonsensical noise of a restless brain stem. They represented the = currents of=20 loss, love and confusion in Ed=92s waking life.

Ed and Mary=92s love began on a seaside boardwalk in 1947. They wed a = year=20 later, when Ed was 25 and Mary 22. In his more comforting dreams, Mary = appears=20 young and radiant as she did that day, with dark hair and bewitching = eyes.

In Ed=92s dreams, his companionship with Mary and her withdrawal = during an=20 arduous illness are recurrent themes. Sometimes, his mind weaves these = threads=20 together to poignant effect, as when Ed finds himself standing across = the street=20 from where Mary sits in a car, unable to cross over.

Other times, they form jumbled, comic events. Ed and Mary are lost in = a city.=20 They see Jerry=20 Seinfeld and ask him for directions. Soon, Ed realizes that Mary has = left=20 with Mr. Seinfeld. He broods behind a building and begins to sink in=20 quicksand.

Almost 20 years after Mary=92s death, Ed dreams he is walking down a = hallway in=20 their old apartment. It leads to Mary=92s hospital room, where she lies, = gaunt and=20 still. Her head, according to Ed=92s journal, is =93hanging over the top = edge of the=20 bed.=94 Her hair is sparse, as it was after chemotherapy<= /A>.=20 =93I sit on the bed,=94 he writes, =93and cradle her in my arms.=94

Such composite images and sudden scene changes, Dr. Domhoff conceded, = may be=20 the brain=92s effort to make sense of random neuron fire. But they are = more likely=20 to be symbolic of Ed=92s emotional struggle. Dreams, Dr. Domhoff wrote, = are the=20 =93embodiment of thoughts=94 from our waking lives.

Deirdre Barrett, assistant professor of psychology at the Harvard = Medical=20 School and editor in chief of the journal Dreaming, wrote the first = significant=20 study on dreams of the dead. She collected dream reports from two sample = groups=20 totaling 245 people at the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill, = and found=20 77 such dreams. Her findings were published in the 1992 issue of Omega: = The=20 Journal of Death and Dying.

The type and intensity of these dreams, Dr. Barrett wrote, = corresponded to=20 phases of her subjects=92 waking grief. She arranged the dreams in four = categories=20 based not only on common content, but also on concurrent stages of = grieving.=20

The most common was =93back to life=94 dreams, which made up 39 = percent of the=20 dreams of the dead in Dr. Barrett=92s sample. In such dreams, subjects = were=20 surprised or frightened by the appearance of a deceased loved one. Dr. = Barrett=20 theorized that these early dreams corresponded to the confusion and = denial of=20 early stages of grief.

Dr. Domhoff is not willing to link dreams so closely to stages of = waking=20 grief. But, he said in an e-mail message, Ed=92s dreams did dissipate in = intensity=20 and frequency over time.

Dreams that occur during rapid eye movement, or REM, cycles are the = most=20 memorable and emotionally powerful, said John Antrobus, a retired = professor of=20 psychology and sleep research at the City=20 College of New York who founded the sleep laboratory there in 1965. = The=20 dreams have power because brain activity during REM is most similar to = that of a=20 waking state. The emotional responses to REM dream content, therefore, = are most=20 like the responses during waking cognition.

In REM, the amygdala, the lima-bean-size gland at the base of the = skull=20 responsible for emotions, and the hippocampus, the tissue curled up = under the=20 temples that enables memory, are active. The two organs, along with = areas in the=20 frontal and prefrontal lobes near the forehead that enable attention and = coordination, work simultaneously in producing dreams.

=93You have an image of a lost loved one, and along come all kinds of = emotions=20 you=92ve tied up with them,=94 Dr. Antrobus said. =93Their image comes = up, and all=20 parts of the brain associated with the loss get activated, as well in = REM sleep,=20 because they=92re part of our survival system.=94

In a study last year, Dr. Antrobus and City College graduate students = linked=20 the body=92s circadian cycle and the singular level of brain activity in = REM to=20 the high emotionality of REM dreams.

Core body temperature rises gradually from its nadir in the middle of = the=20 night during slow-wave sleep, the least active brain state. As morning = nears,=20 subcortical brain activity tied to the circadian cycle increases. When = these=20 cycles coincide in the last and longest REM phase, the study found, the = mind=20 produces its most dramatic dreams.

=93The brain is waking up,=94 Dr. Antrobus said in an interview. = =93It starts=20 waking up long before you are fully awake.=94

Dreams during this active period are more likely to be highly = memorable,=20 vivid, and experiential, what Dr. Antrobus calls =93superdreams.=94

=93That=92s what people talk about,=94 he said. =93That=92s what = they=92re usually=20 remembering. That=92s what these =91big dreams=92 are.=94

He added that the four or five phases of REM in a normal night=92s = sleep might=20 include similar dream content. Just as the image of a lost loved one = stimulates=20 parts of the brain associated with loss, the content of dreams early in = the=20 sleep cycle could set the tone for that night=92s dream experiences. Our = memories=20 upon waking, therefore, may be our recollection of a night=92s = cumulative dream=20 content.

Apart from an effort to understand the physiology behind the content = of=20 dreams, what do we do with big dreams? If we ignore them, said Dr. = Knudson of=20 Miami University of Ohio, =93we discount our most valuable resource in=20 understanding ourselves.=94

America is not a country with a ritualistic approach to grief. Many = employers=20 offer as few as three days off after a family member=92s death. Dreams = of the dead=20 keep alive our connections to lost loved ones.

=93Big dreams, those dreams that stop you dead in your tracks, are = for=20 precisely that purpose,=94 said Dr. Knudson, whose father died three = years ago.=20 =93They pull us out of our headlong rush forward. They yank us back down = from our=20 schedule books and our jobs.

He continued, =93I don=92t want to get over my father. That=92s not = to say that I=20 want to suffer on a daily basis or that I don=92t want to understand = that he is=20 dead. But I look forward to dreams in which my father will come again. = What does=20 it mean to =91get over=92 it? I think that is crazy.=94=20

Winding Through =91Big = Dreams=92 Are the=20 Threads of Our Lives